


The lies I told are now being revealed for everyone to see.

by X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X



Series: Vent fics lololol relatable? Idk [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I don't know what else to add, I'm sorry I made this, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, There is no ending really, This is Oikawa but I didn't establish that in the fic.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29567802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X/pseuds/X_Atsumu_Kinnie_X
Summary: Misery.
Series: Vent fics lololol relatable? Idk [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146770
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	The lies I told are now being revealed for everyone to see.

I can't breathe, my arms and legs are shaking as I whip my head from side to side, looking for an escape from this hell that I can't even take anymore. I feel sick to my stomach as I run up the stairs for a bathroom to compose myself and be the perfect person that everyone has made me out to be. But that is a lie. 

A big, fat, ugly lie that is being shoved into my face. I'm not perfect, not even close. I'm a wreck. An emotional, unstable, weak, pathetic excuse for a human being. I finally find a bathroom but am being stopped by a girl? No, maybe a boy? I can't tell, my eyes are blurry and my whole body aches as I look for an excuse to slip away from the person trying to stop me. They must hate me to do this to me. Why can't I see? 

The world that used to be colorful and bright is now black and white. The troubling fear is much more than what I can exceed as I run past the person and into one of the stalls. My shoulders are heaving, my head bowed and I cry. I cry? How pathetic can one be to cry over such a silly matter. I was once told, "If someone or something makes you feel bad or upset, then your feelings are valid and matter." But how true is this? Over a few people asking about me? It wasn't that big of a deal, yet it makes me a trembling mess. My throat feels thick and tight.

I'm about to fall apart again… Is this what they wanted? Why would anyone want me? There aren't many things that I can do well or even do at all yet everyone sees me as the most wonderful, talented being at school. 

Why am I such a people pleaser? Why can't I please myself if I'm such an entertainer? They say I'm a character but it's just another lie that I display to make others feel better and happy yet it makes me feel disgusting and deceiving. 

Nonetheless, I was proud. I was proud of myself for fooling everyone around me. I was proud of myself for being able to do one thing right. There's one thing I can do but it feels like I can't keep this lie up for much longer. I don't want to hang out with any of my friends if you can even call them that, my grades have been slipping, and the 3 hours of sleep I get have just been the icing on the cake. But the cake isn't pretty, it's a mess, the eggs aren't thoroughly mixed, the dough isn't complete and looks like water mixed with flour that wasn't even touched but left there to sit and dissolve, the chocolate mix looks disgusting and tastes that way too, as well as the cake coming out overcooked and as hard as a rock. 

But surround the cake with layers of icing and it's beautiful to the eyes of everyone. But that's the thing, what's the point of looking pretty if you're not perfect on the inside? 

Just like cake, it doesn't matter if it looks nice on the outside if it tastes horrible on the inside. Yet that was my resolve, just keep looking pretty and no one will try to slice me open and see the condiments of what we call secrets that I have buried inside of myself. Not like anyone actually cared about me, no, they only "like" me because i'm smart and popular. 

It wasn't long till rumors went around about me. About the bags under my eyes from having affairs all night calling me a whore. Or about the red stains on my clothes from the deep red cuts that bleed through the cloth and how it was me trying to get attention because I'm an attention seeking whore. It didn't hurt though, everything was fine. Just laugh it off, it's fine. I'm okay. 

_ Things will get better _

_ This will all pass _

_ Just focus on volleyball _

_ It won't be long _

_ They'll forget about it _

_ It's okay _

_ I'm okay _

_ I'm fine _

I would tell myself lies upon lies and that slightest bit of hope I had was being crushed as I heard a crash and i'm being brought back into reality. I see the three people that once brought me joy and comfort now making me wonder what that even was anymore. They're all laughing, this isn't funny  _ it's not funny it's not funny it's not funny  _

  
  


_ Why am I laughing? Why can't I stop? Fuck. _

I scream and I cry and I laugh all at once. They look at me like I'm crazy and if it were me I would be looking at myself the same way.

They've seen it all. The broken, ugly, disgusting mess I am. Maybe if I run away now I can just never come back to this reality. But I know that I can't run away from my problems, so why don't I just end them? I can't. That's wrong.  _ Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong-  _

_ EVERYTHING IS WRONG. _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Not that anyone cares but I think I'm gonna stop doing this. Not like it matters my writing fucking sucks anyways.


End file.
